The Santa Trap
by MauMauKa
Summary: Clay gets into the Christmas spirit! Some C/J references.


**The Santa Trap**

**For Ectofralamazoo—I tip my hat to your awesome story about the swear jar! **

"Emily Joelle Jensen! What did I tell you about climbing on the roof?"

"I'm putting up my Santa trap, Mommy!" the little girl protested as Jackie Jensen flew to the ladder she had placed against the side of the house. She had been in the midst of hanging up the outdoor lights when she discovered she was one sting of bulbs short. Jake and the others were coming for Christmas and she wanted everything to be perfect.

"I don't care! It's dangerous! I don't want to see you up here again, Emily. Do you understand?"

"But if I don't put my trap up, I'll never get to see him!" Emmy wailed. "He gets in and out so fast I'll never catch him in the living room!"

"I'm sure you'll think of something. I want you down from here. _Now._"

The disappointed child pouted but complied, following her mother back down the ladder. Jackie gave her a hug. "Why don't you show your Santa trap to Uncle Jake when he comes in tonight? I'm sure he can help you find a good place to put it."

Emily's face brightened. "That's a good idea. And he has all kinds of cool digital stuff! Maybe he can get me a video!" Emily raced off carrying a strange contraption made of fishing line, small bells, springs, and balsa wood. Jackie sighed. Emily had almost given up the belief in Santa Claus until last year, when Jake had photo-shopped some blurry images together and gotten her all wound up again. There were times when Jackie wished her brother would grow the hell up, but he made Emmy so happy she could never bring herself to be angry at him for long.

The convoy started to arrive at dusk. First Jake and Carlos, then Pooch and Jolene and Clay and Roque. Pooch had somehow gotten hold of an RV for the trip. He explained that it was to create extra room. Jackie didn't mention that since Carlos always slept in Jake's room, she was never short of guest beds.

Emily jumped into Jake's arms as soon as he got in the door. "Guess what! I finished my Santa trap! Can you help me find somewhere to put it? And did you bring your video camera? If you did will you set it up so I can get a video of Santa this year?"

"Sure, I will!" Jake gave his niece a big hug and made her laugh by blowing a loud raspberry into her ear. "I'll have a look at it after dinner, okay Em? I need to put my stuff up and get settled in first."

"You're in the rumpus room and so is Carlos" Jackie said with a smile as she kissed her brother's cheek. "I have Jolene and Pooch in the spare bedroom. Emmy will be with me and either Frank or Will can have her room, and someone else can have the sofa bed."

"Thanks, but the reason I brought that big thing in the driveway was so nobody has to sleep in a canopy bed this year. Last year when Roque lost the coin toss, he bitched about it all the way back to base."

"That's because my legs were hanging over the edge of the bed!" Roque shook his head as he hugged Jackie, nearly lifting her off the floor. "I'll take the van."

"Okay, if you don't mind" Jackie said as she greeted Jolene and took a covered casserole dish from the other woman's hands. "Emmy will be glad to have her room back."

"YAY!" yelled Emmy, making everyone laugh.

Dinner was the usual frantic mishmash of talk, the boys trying to top each other telling funny stories and complaining about their senior officers. After the meal was over, Clay and Roque volunteered for KP duty and disappeared into the kitchen. The rest of the Losers, Jolene, Jackie, and Emily all sat around in the living room. Emily showed off her "Santa Trap". It was apparently designed for Santa to catch his feet in. Emmy had strung small bells on fishing line and wound the fishing line like a spider web around the balsa frame. "That way I can hear him", she explained. "The bells don't sound like reindeer bells—I checked that already. Where should we put it, Uncle Jake?"

"Best place to put a Santa trap is on the roof, Emmy" Jake grinned at his niece as he examined her handiwork. "But since you want video footage as well, I think we should put it right here in front of the fire. Do you have some milk and cookies to use for bait?"

"Yup! Peppermint ones! Mommy helped me make them."

"I think Santa would rather have a cold beer" Pooch said with a grin. Jolene gave him a swift kick in the ankle and hissed, "Linwood!"

"I'm just sayin' baby. The man has only one night to fly all around the world. He has to fly in nasty weather and get all jet-lagged and tired and I just think he'd probably appreciate something stronger than milk, that's all. Besides, what if he's lactose intolerant? I bet he is and we just never knew it."

"Idiot!" Jolene rolled her eyes before giving her husband a kiss. The other Losers laughed too. Everyone except Emily knew that "Uncle Clay" would be playing Santa this year, putting the presents under the tree once everyone went to bed. "And next year" Cougar put in, "Santa might like a bottle of tequila, _por favor_."

"You guys are terrible" Jackie shook her head as Emily laughed so hard she fell over on the rug. "Santa doesn't drink beer! Or tequila! Just milk, cocoa, and eggnog."

"Blech!" said Jake. He hated eggnog.

Time drifted by as they talked and laughed. Clay and Roque returned from the kitchen to thunderous applause, Emmy grew sleepy and dozed off against her Uncle Jake's knees. He carried her up to bed, accompanied by Carlos. When Jackie came up a few minutes later to check on her, she found the sniper singing in Spanish to the sleepy child while Jake tried to hum along. Poor Jake—he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket—but his humming actually blended well with Carlos's soft tones. Jackie slipped away again without speaking. She knew their feelings for each other went deep, but neither of them had said anything to her yet and until they did, she preferred to give them privacy by pretending to be ignorant.

Jolene and Pooch retired next, citing the length of the drive and exhaustion, and Jackie decided that she'd better go to bed too. She excused herself to Roque and Clay and left them parked in front of the TV. She fell asleep quickly and was completely unprepared for what happened at about four in the morning.

Loud banging downstairs caused her to jerk awake and lunge for the baseball bat she kept under her bed.

"GODDAMN IT! WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK?"

Emmy came out of her bedroom, her eyes shining. "It worked, Mommy! It's Santa! He's in our house right now!" she bounced with excitement.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Emmy giggled. "Santa needs to put some money in the swear jar, doesn't he?"

"That isn't Santa, honey" Jackie said grimly. "Where did you leave your trap?"

"In the family room doorway. I thought Santa would see it if I left it in front of the fireplace, so I came down after you all were asleep and moved it."

Oh God, poor Clay! That explained the jingling noises that were interspersed with the banging and cursing. Jackie sighed. She was going to have to make some apologies tomorrow. "Go back to bed, honey."

"But I want to see Santa!"

"I told you, it's not Santa. Santa doesn't curse. Now go back to bed before the real Santa skips this house because you were awake."

"I WANT TO SEE SANTA!"

Jackie threw up her hands. "Fine! Come and see for yourself. Then back to bed and no more arguing, Emily. That's an order."

When they got downstairs, they were greeted by an amazing sight. Piles of brightly-wrapped packages lay under the tree and a very large, white-haired, red-suited figure lay on the rug trying to untangle its foot from Emily's trap.

"See Mommy! I TOLD you it was Santa!" Emmy ran over and hugged the figure. "I'm sorry you fell down! I just wanted to see you in person!"

Jackie's eyes met Clay's over the curly white beard. Clay took the hint. "HO! HO! HO!" he bellowed. "That's a mighty fine Santa trap, little girl! But let's get Santa untangled, eh? He has lots of other houses to visit tonight!"

"Okay!" the child grabbed the trap and made short work of getting her Uncle Clay's foot out. "Did you get your milk and cookies?"

"Ho! Ho! Ho! I sure did! But Santa is allergic to milk. Do you happen to have any beer?"

Emmy shook her finger at him. "Santa doesn't drink beer!"

"Yes he does. After a long, hard day with the elves—"

Jackie held up one hand. "Emmy, Santa is a _guest._ And when someone is a guest in your house, you let them have whatever they want to drink. Go get Santa a cold one, honey."

Emmy looked doubtful, but she did as she was told. Jackie helped Clay to his feet. "I'm so sorry, Frank."

"Yeah, well, sorry about the language. I'll put some money in the jar after the kid's in bed."

Jackie smiled as Clay adjusted his beard and hat. "I think this one will be a freebie. I _never _thought you'd go so far as to actually _dress_ the part! It's so sweet of you boys to do this every year."

"Aw, we don't mind. It's not like a lot of us have families to go back to. Cougs is an orphan; Roque has one brother, but they never talk, and I've been divorced so many times it isn't funny."

Emmy returned with the beer, which "Santa" opened and drank gratefully. "Ho! Ho! Ho! Thank you, little one! Delivering presents around the world is thirsty work! I have to be getting along now. You take good care of your mother and Uncle Jake!" Clay handed the empty beer can to Jackie and headed for the front door. "Hey, wait a minute!" shouted Emmy. "Aren't you gonna go up our chimney?"

Clay, bless him, managed to make his escape without answering. Jackie quickly guided Emmy back upstairs before she could hear the door slamming on the RV. "I can't believe he was in our house! And I MET him! And Uncle Jake said he'd set up a webcam in the living room! Just wait until Jennifer Clark sees this! She says Santa isn't even real!"

Jackie tucked Emmy back in and waited with her until she settled down and her breathing became even and peaceful before going back to bed herself. Just before she fell asleep, she reminded herself to tell Jake to destroy that webcam footage.


End file.
